Some Brisbane Guy

There are a few things you need to be able to do before you can be considered a Real Man(tm). Change a flat tyre, scull a pint of beer (if not a yardy), read a map and, most importantly, tie a truckie’s knot.

Until today I was the girliest tier of knots ever. Whenever I tried to tie something to a truck or a ute it looked like I’d gently laid the rope over the load then just rubbed the end of the rope around in my palms until it became knotted like a 5-year old schoolgirl’s hair, and driving to the destination would involve several stops to allow me to repeat the tying process. You can imagine my shame!

Everyone in my family is moving at the moment for one reason or another (including me) and that means shifting stuff around in utes, trucks and trailers. Today one of my jobs was to move a particle board computer desk on a ute from one end of Brisbane to the other (well actually from Pine Rivers to Redlands through Brisbane, but whatever…), with a chair as well and a tarp over the whole lot that we specially bought for this journey in case it rained. It didn’t rain.

I had to stop twice at the side of the freeway to redo my granny knots, they weren’t working at all and I thought the desk and chair were going to end up inside somebody else’s car - via their windscreen. The amount of times I’ve been standing on the side of the freeway being blown off my feet by semi trailer draught winds is ridiculous so it’s really for my own safety that I’ve finally learned how to tie a decent knot.

Finally I pulled off the freeway at the Nudgee exit and parked out the front of the Nudgee Golf Course. I knew the time to dither and hesitate was through and that I just had to bite the bullet and learn this thing. With weary, frustrated fingers I brought up Opera Mini on my phone and Googled for “truckie’s knot”. Before long I’d found the Queensland Mitsubishi 4WD Owners’ Club’s page Get Knotted - Part II which has great pics and instructions for the truckie’s knot, and I diligently followed with newfound enthusiasm for the land of ropes and knots and load-carrying.

I struggled for a little while with the loops and the bights and the cloves and the hitches but it wasn’t long before I had myself a real, live truckie’s knot! I was elated! I felt so manly, I wanted to have beers in a pub while eating pies and fighting big hairy blokes, bleeding and vomiting and drinking more beer and swearing and talking about footy.

Yeah, I’m a real man today.